Feeling Extraordinary with Cael Courtney
This month, #FeelExtraordinary was launched as an initiative focusing on enhancing physical, mental and emotional wellbeing through highlighting music that evokes positivity. The initiative by A Day for The Beaches, and supported by One Eighty ambassadors Ocean Alley, will raise necessary funds for three charities including One Eighty, Cerebral Palsy Alliance and Red Dust.
The One Eighty family felt inspired by the #FeelExtraordinary campaign and therefore as part of Mental Health month this October, we hope to raise awareness of help seeking behaviours, by sharing the extraordinary stories of people who have reached out for help or who have supported others in their moment of need!
Cael Courtney, 28, volunteers at Lifeline answering calls from people who are feeling overwhelmed or having difficulty coping or staying safe. We believe Cael is doing something extraordinary to help others, so we asked him some questions about his role and why he got involved.
Hi Cael, can you introduce yourself to our wonderful One Eighty community and explain what you do for Lifeline?
Hi! I’m Cael and I volunteer at Lifeline as a crisis supporter on the phones. This involves answering calls from people who are overwhelmed and looking for support. It is not just a suicide hotline, but also a day to day support for many people.
What made you want to get involved with Lifeline in the first place?
I am studying Psychology at university and was just keen to start being able to help people. It is a 6-year course and I couldn’t wait that long. Mental health is something I am passionate about and I just wanted to be able to help people. I heard about Lifeline’s course and it sounded incredibly beneficial to others and rewarding for myself as well.
What are your experiences with the Crisis Support Line?
The phone calls are so varied every time I am there. One person may be calling for some company and a chat, and the next is experiencing suicidal ideation. I find the first 10 seconds of a call the most intense. I am trying to assess safety and also create a connection with the person who has called, as connection creates the basis for a safe space to talk about things. Some of the connections I create are so rewarding and I feel as though I have really helped someone. For some, they may leave the call having found hope and new goals to start moving towards. However, after some I can personally feel a bit lost.
As a crisis supporter, we are trying to help facilitate the individual to find their own solutions and some calls can be incredibly difficult, both practically and emotionally (for the help seeker and I). The biggest lesson I have learnt doing this work, is the importance of self-care, and reflecting on the ways in which calls have affected me. At first, I thought I would be fine, and that the calls would not effect me, but I quickly learnt that I was mistaken. As such, I am now vigilant in how I am responding to people and making sure I am here for the help seeker, but also establishing my own boundaries and trying not to take the work home.
How does it make you feel knowing you make such an important impact on people’s lives?
It is definitely rewarding, and the process has been incredibly humbling. It has taught me a lot of patience and empathy, which I have carried into my everyday life. Day to day I now try to give people more of a chance to express why they are behaving in a certain way before judging them. We can all be quick to judge without any understanding of what someone is going through. Anger is a secondary emotion to a lot of things.
Have you ever reached out for help when you needed it? What made it hard or what stopped you from doing it sooner?
I did when I was 23. It was really hard being vulnerable and I wish I had of expressed it to my friends. I had more of a private battle with depression and anxiety, but I did end up reaching out to a Psychologist. My friends didn’t know, even though I tried to give them lots of very cryptic clues. That is something I laugh at now, because I would get angry at people for not seeing that I was reaching out. But now I realise, how could they know that when I asked if they wanted to hangout, what I was really asking for was help.
How did you overcome this and what was the outcome?
I overcame this by learning to be honest. Everyone suffers at some point, but may of us are scared to be vulnerable and ask for help. Now, I try to be honest to everyone about how I am feeling, and it helps me to move through my emotions faster. I feel this is because I am acknowledging them and letting myself process them.
What advice would you give someone who is afraid of speaking up and asking for help?
You don’t have to tell someone everything straight away. You can just simply say, “I don’t want to talk about it right now, but I am really struggling at the moment.” This allows those close to you to know what is happening and starts to open the door. Those around you want to help, they just don’t always know how, and they won’t know how unless you tell them. It is okay to tell people that you don’t want them to try and fix anything, you just want them to listen. People often go into “fix it” mode when they hear someone is struggling, and this can just frustrate the person struggling.
What would you recommend doing if you’re someone who wants to be able to help others when they're struggling?
Learn to listen!! It is so rare that people are able to just listen and not offer advice or solutions. Depression and anxiety can’t be fixed in an instant. There is a time and a place for solutions and advice, but initially just listen to the person’s experience and be interested in what is happening for them. It can be the most beneficial experience to be given the opportunity to be heard. It allows the person to clear their head and not keep everything bottled up. If someone reaches out for help and you start trying to fix the problem, the person could easily just shut down as you aren’t listening to them. A good resource is the mental health first aid website. It has lots of useful information about how to talk to people who are struggling with different problems.
Interview by Ella Garbett
Edited by Maddie Walsh
Any information on this blog is not a substitute for professional advice. It is written from personal experience and research only. If you are in crisis, go to your nearest emergency room, call lifeline on 13 11 14 or dial 000.